Maybe He Saw Something He Didn't Like

There is this Giant. Yes, a real Giant! And then there is me- the screw up.

Once upon a three weeks or so ago, this Giant wanted to meet the screw-up. But the screw-up screwed up. She, out of fear, chose to stay with her previous plans for the evening. The Giant said he would use the magical world of Facebook to look up this screw-up and get in touch with her. But there never came a message or a friend request.

So, the screw-up went up to the workplace of the Giant. He was there. She knew it, but I don't think He knew. And then this screw-up realized how much she had screwed up. She felt so small compared to his stature; even somewhat insignificant.

And then a thought crossed my mind. "Maybe he did look me up on facebook. Maybe...He didn't quite like what he saw."

I never spoke to him. I was too scared. And now I wish I could meet him, be introduced, and maybe even be friends. But I'm afraid that chance has been lost.

And I watched as they slowly lined up before mine eyes

As a gift or a gag (I've yet to decide which) I was given a 4 square rubik's cube. You should know that the individual who bestowed such a gift was the same who at one time handed me his rubik's cube and laughed as I became so entangled in colors, I felt that I had dropped into a Seuss book!

It was a sweet gesture, but I wasn't about to take on such a challenge. It would sit on my shelf all nice and pretty and pleasently matching on all sides. Until, that is, last night. Stephen walked in with a rubik's cube and was nice enough to explain to me the concept, his techniques, and any "known" theories there might be to solving the riddled color cube. He was ever patient in showing me and I have to admit: I was awstruck by his skill, wishing it weren't so impossible a feat (for such a person as myself) to accomplish. Happiness was unavoidable. He solved it, I watched and marveled, but would not feign success acheivable.

As I walked into my room, tip-toeing as to not wake the other occupants of the house, I paused breifly to glance at the obstacle at hand. And why? After all, it was to sit there pretty and pleasantly matching on all sides til death did us part. I paused, because that evening someone said that success was attainable. And I believed him. Glancing at the cube, fearing failure, I found myself placing it safely in the side pocket of my handbag. Sleep. Morning. It came and a bit too fast.

Skipping the daily events that have no meaning whatsoever for this post....

Ah! The Library! It was science day at the Library. A scientist had come to experiment with Fire and Ice. Lovely things! :)

Afterwards, Perry and I went book hunting. I reached into my side pocket and felt the cube. I pulled it out. "What's that?" Perry asked. "Oh...it's a...um...cube. And it has different colors. You have to match them up right." Perry looked at it and said, "But they're not messed up." I said, "No, you're right. They aren't." He asked if he could see it and I said, "Sure!" Knowing full well the chances I was taking. But it was perfect! Perry would mess up the cube and then I'd have no excuse not to try. Right?

Well, I wish this were how the story unfolds. But NO! Perry handed it back and simply stated, "It's pretty." I agreed. "But you didn't do it," he stated simply. And I watched as the five year old went back to looking at random books. He can't quite read and his writing is improving. But one thing I love and also abhor in the same instance is when God uses a child to teach a life lesson to an adult who is suposed to know more than the said child. No, it wasn't my accomplishment and never would be. It was perfect and pretty and MATCHING! It was all in the order it was supposed to be. "Perfection is ugly!" as stated by my friend, Edwin Godfrey.

So, I drew in a defiant breath and began twisting and turning the cube, mixing and unmatching every perfect little square. I made a mess of that cube!

Scared? Try PETRIFIABLY TERRIFIED! (have no clue if that is a word, but I like it). I didn't try to solve it until I was on my way home. I twisted and turned without rhythm, rhyme, or purpose. I was just twisting and turning. Finally, I arrived home and planted the cube on the fire mantle. I would never figure that cube out. I would never get it right. It would never be beautifully matched again. Not in my hands at least.

So mid-planning for Romania, I began texting Stephen. I offered him the entertainment of my 4 square rubik's cube. He asked if I was fed up with it. I lied. Yes, I was occupied with plans but I used it as an excuse. I wanted the cube gone because it was a constant reminder of my inadequacy and failure. Place it in the hands of the capable and I would never have to go beyond my comfort zone, working to figure the object out.

And then, I picked it up. "It will look wrong, but it's right." "You can do it. Might take a while...but it can be done." "Don't worry about it." And so many more comments from the night before flooded my mind. Yes, Stephen...your words were haunting me.

Then I remembered a truth- I CAN DO ALL THINGS....even a rubik's cube....THROUGH CHRIST!

And as I typed plans for camp, texted Stephen, and made side notes with my fine point sharpie, I began to twist and turn the rubik's cube. Color by color, I watched as they slowly lined up before mine eyes making the cube once again pretty and pleasantly matching.

Unbelief followed by overwhelming Joy and a sense to spread the news: I SOLVED A RUBIK'S CUBE!!! swelled within me.

But God instantly turned that small yet challenging form of entertainment into a life lesson. My life is like that rubix cube. I'm not perfect and that's ok. Because God is twisting and turning and slowly shaping me. One day those colors will line up!!! What a beautiful sight it will be! And what an overwhelming feeling.

"That usually produces the opposite desired effect..."

The room was full of people. And if you know how big my living room is, you would understand it doesn't take much to fill the void spaces and cracks. Each face held the story of how we met and what we have experienced so far (in life) together. And my emotions began to build until my inability to show my true feelings was replaced with an awkward awareness that I just might break down and cry.

How do you convey to twenty unique individuals just how much each one of them means to you? And how God has greatly used them to change who you are for the better?

I don't think it's possible. But for a breif moment I scanned the room and their faces and managed a smile. I'm sure it was awkward, out of place, and slightly crooked. But yes, that was a smile. I can tell you exactly why I would go to celebrate their life with them. But for the life of me, I couldn't understand why any of them bothered to drive the four hours, two hours, one hour...and so forth to come and celebrate with me. And it's because I know who I am, what I've done, and how I've lived. I also know that the person I am today is in part to each and every face that stood in my livingroom smiling back at me.

How did I feel? Unbelievably blessed.

So guys...in case any of you actually snoop around my facebook and discover this...Here's what I would have liked to have said:

Saying that I am honored to call you friend is probably one of the cheapest forms of cliche that exist. And I know that I'm the only one here who can look around and not see "new" faces. And that is an overwhelming feeling. I'm a visual learner. If you say something- I picture it. This isn't always the greatest thing in the world. To some people you may be simply a face and name and a preconceived notion of who you are as a person. But when I look at you, each and every one of you, I see the times we have laughed, the interesting conversations EVEN arguments shared, and the thoughtful actions displayed at the perfect timing. I see more than a face that possesses the capability to see and smell, talk and think. I see a life ordained by God to change the world. And so I thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and to call you, My Friend.

Water Balloons and Laundry :)

I like doing laundry. That may seem weird to an extent. But I really do like doing laundry. :)
I may not be going about the process in the right way, but that doesn't bother me. I have a system and it works. ha!
First, seperate by color. Second, by function. Third, by specificity. Guess what? Specificity is an ACTUAL word! I looked it up to make sure. Not that it matters-I would have used it anyway. You see, you can't mix darks with brights or brights with ordinaries. As for Function, I classify my clothes according to when I wear them. All the nice outfits get washed together, and the every day wear gets thrown together. The down right nasties-clothes to ruin- take a nice long wash together. I won't explain specificity. :)
I love water! But thanks to my fairly vivid and somewhat petrifying imagination, water and I tend to not interact much. Unless, it's a nice shower in the morning and a water gun/balloon fight on a sunny day. Or laundry and washing...things...in general.
I enjoy a good swim and the ocean is one of my favorite places to relax; however, I cannot swim alone. It's not that I won't. I simply can't. As I imagine things (whatever they may be), if alone, those "things" become reality to a certain degree. If you say, "There's something on the top of your car!" I will begin to imagine "What" that "something" may or may not be and just exactly "WHAT" it plans to do with me. And then I will refuse to come out of my own car. Yes, it is sad and borderline pathetic. But as you can see, if I were to swim alone and then imagine some horrid creature from the deep tangling round my waist and pulling me under. I would be so stricken with fear that moving would become next to impossible and I would drown. Hence, any good friend of mine would never allow me to go near any body of water alone.
However, it is who I am. Who God has made me to be. I have a vivid imagination! That's not a bad thing; when cultivated in the appropiate manner and fashion it produces wonderful outcomes.
Now...as for the water balloons. I am throwing a Bonfire in celebration of my turning half of FIFTY! Yep! Twenty-five more years and I will be elligible for a senior discount at F.I.R.E. Now that's something to look forward to! ;) lol
No worries, we will not be attacking the bonfire with balloons-though that is something to consider. No. Instead we will attempt to play two of my favorite outdoor "sporting" events with water balloons versus the usual tool: balls. This is how it began:
"It may be extremelt hot outside...."
"Ooh! Water balloons."
"Fight or no fight? Yeah...no, that could get messy and then all those people would have to change. And I live in a single wide mobile home-not that they're aware of that."
"HEY!...I wonder...WHAT IF...?"

(Fair warning: Should I ever begin a conversation with HEY! soon followed by I WONDER and ending with a WHAT IF question, please run!)

"WHAT IF we played tag football and dodgeball with water balloons?!"
*insert an absurd amount of excitement*
"Done!"

So today will be filled with friends, food-that hopefully we can cook just right, fun games from the obsurd lobe of my brain-whichever side that may be, AND a fabulous fire complete with "smores" (which I am not a fan of) lol. So, here is my addition of the day. I'm off to get the last few items in place and then to enjoy my day and wait around for 6 PM!

I flinch when bugs hit my windsheild...and close my eyes when water splashes against the glass....

There is a lot that can be associated with SUMMER; however, my pick are the following two: Bugs and Thunderstorms. The beach may or may not be part of my summer plans, and I cannot always count on a tan over sun burn. One thing I can always count on though is the tapping melody of bugs as they either bounce or splat against mans' innovations, and the pandemonium caused by random thunder storms in the South!

The air hangs heavy, the wind begins to pick up, and that's when I draw in a deep breath. Ah! It's here. And then the rain begins to fall, the thunder claps overhead, and God lights up the sky. :) This is why I love summer time.

This summer is unlike any other. Mainly due to the fact that I will be entering the college life as of August the 27th. Big changes are coming; and much like the afore mentioned thunderstorms, it begins with a heavy feeling that is gently lifted by the wind and then God lights up your life! I cannot wait.